Pizza rolls, envy, and the truth about Satan.

This is Satan. Some of you will understand. Some of you will not. And for those who understand, all I can say is I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.

*silent weeping*,
Victory

A moment to gloat like a stoat

Are rollover sneezes a thing?

      You know all those times when you wanted to sneeze, but nothing came out, so you just kind of sat there for an hour in pain with a miserable, twisted expression on your face and comically flared nostrils?

      What if all those not-quite-computed-sneezes ripped themselves out of your body at the exact same time as you sat there, unaware of what the universe had in store? Unaware that there is no such thing as a forgotten moment in space and time, no such thing as a noncontinuation of sneeze energy?

      Welcome to my life, dear readers. I may have internal bleeding from the force of these rollover sneezes.

Love and the snot bubbles are very, very, frighteningly real,
Victory

Let us talk of things like cabbages and teen angst and my super awesome special official Magic Guild position

      THINGS I WANT TO DO IN THE YEAR OF 2015

1. I want to compose the perfect Magic deck that will totally demolish all those silly boys (OK STORYTIME so my school established a Magic:The Gathering club and I was so excited and it turns out that I'm the only female there at the moment, so I'm a bit like little lost porpoise swimming in a sea of testosterone with a broken GPS and a box of Gobstoppers. However, I did manage to secure not only the position as official Secretary, but I am the official Snackmaster of the guild as well. Yes, that's a thing. Why? BECAUSE I MADE IT SO. Seriously, no one is going to dispute someone bringing snacks to every meeting. AND SO BEGINS MY CONQUEST OF THE WORLD, ONE DIABETIC NERD HERD AT A TIME)
2. I want to not die in school and secure my 5.1 GPA because I worked WAY too hard not to pull off my straight A's.
3. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
4. I want to not suck at League of Legends
5. I want a dragon
6. I realized number 5 is more attainable than number 4
7. This is no longer a neat and orderly list with a specific format
8. What am I doing with my life
9. Doctor Who is great
10. Snowballs 

Love and Arctic porpoises bundled up in hats throwing snowballs while riding dragons,
Victory

Greetings, I've returned from the depths of the NetherWorldVoid of Agony!

      If you've ever wanted to switch bodies with someone for a day, lemme tell you, if I pop up on the list of options, choose ANYONE but me. Please. I say this out of my love for your sanity, reader. May you never have to live the life of an IB student.  If you were thinking about pursuing that life, ask yourself whether your mental stability is worth saving a couple thousand dollars in college, and that's IF you a.) pass the exams and b.) your dream school accepts the credits you MIGHT earn. It's a tough way to scrape your academic living kids.

      Now, let's talk about addictions. Namely, the one that's been consuming my life for the past two months.

Eldrazi the Very Angry Caterpillar, Or, What a green worm with feet taught me about life, love, and screwing with nature (ok not really all of those just the last one.)

I'd like you all to meet Eldrazi.

 I didn't know what kind of caterpillar Eldrazi was at first..all I knew was he was a behemoth with a taste for tomato leaves; I decided to keep him. 

When I say behemoth, I mean it. He was about the length of my hand, hence his name. You know, because of Magic:The Gathering.

 

I wasn't sure what kind of Eldrazi he was specifically, but you get the idea. The whole thingamabisquit with massive size and being an annihilator. :3 Ah, if only I had an Ulamog in my deck...oh the havoc I would wreak...delicious...ANYWAYS

I made Eldrazi a little cage where I could observe him from. Since I didn't have a butterfly habitat conveniently lying around, I had to get creative.

 

Yes, that is a leg of pantyhose stuffed with a plate, a dismembered sour cream carton and tomato leaves. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME PUNY MORTAL I AM THE GOD OF WORMS WITH FEETS

Anyhoo, Eldrazi was pretty chill with the whole transition. Just munched leaves. Caterpillar don't give no shiz. 

At first.

It's day 2- Eldrazi the big-arse caterpillar is really unhappy. He stopped eating and was restlessly pacing around his saucer. I hung him up outside hoping this disturbing behavior would cease.

I knew nothing of disturbing.

Just before I moved him, I hear the sound of ripping fabric. Do you know what that was?

ELDRAZI THE REALLY FRACKING ANGRY CATERPILLAR IS USING HIS STEEL PINSIRS TO TRY AND RIP AN OPENING IN THE ULTRA STRONG NYLON AND I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND BECAUSE HE IS ABOUT TO SUCCEED

Lol nope.

He keeps trying to rip through when I move him outside.

 

IS THAT NOT TERRIFYING

Did I mention I still have no clue what species he is?

GUESS WHAT

HE'S A HAWKMOTH CATERPILLAR AND HE WILL BE BEAUTIFUL

I'm really worried when day three rolls around.

Eldrazi looked really sick. He wasn't moving and had turned a sickly yellow green color. His skin seemed to sag and was wrinkly. I felt like a terrible person.

I decided I needed to let him go free into the wild from whence he came for his sake.

And so he dropped to the ground, regained his healthy green color and started burrowing. 

WFT Eldrazi.

Apparently, hawkmoth caterpllars burrow into the earth when it's time for them to pupate, which means THAT IS WHY ELDRAZI WAS SO ANGRY THERE JUST WASN'T ANY DIRT TO BURROW INTO

I bid him farewell and good luck, and prayed I hadn't harmed his chances of survival throughout the long, cold winter.

Free pep talk. Because I ate all the donuts and a pep talk is all I have left.

      YOU ARE BETTER THAN A WORM BECUASE

1.) You have a spine. And spines are sexy.
2.)You have a pancreas. Also sexy.
3.) You can tell which end of you is your head.
4.) You won't be brutally pecked to death and have your innards torn out to feed the spawn of Aves. Unless, of course, you piss off a griffin. Don't piss off griffins kids. They don't like being pissed off.

      YOU ARE BETTER THAN A GHOST BECAUSE

1.) Dude, you're ALIVE.

      YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT ONE BIZNATCH YOU HATE BECAUSE

1.) You know that there are better ways to show you have some amount of money than wearing expensive yoga pants from Victoria's Secret 24/7 on your doughy dimply butt. Instead of making people hate you for your overexposure of your doughy dimply butt you would put that money towards something useful like feeding hungry animals or feeding cupcakes to your Biology class and then everyone will love you and adore you. Yoga pants? $60. Your own cult? PRICELESS.

2.) Coach bags don't even look good.

3.) That biznatch might have weaseled out a great grade on a project you slaved over and then screwed you over, but when the zombie apocalypse comes she'll be begging for your protection with your wicked machete skills. Which you will not give her. #zombiebait.

4.) She might have gotten the guy, but you got the herpes-free life. You=All the win.

5.) You're prettier. In every way. Yes, I'm talking to all the boys here. And the girls. Smile. Be sparkly inside and out. You're beautiful. :3

Love and sparkly narwhales,
Victory

MONTH OF HORROR Or, The catastrophic event that would upend any fangirl's life completely and totally.

      Shortest horror story ever? No WiFi. For a month. I know it's terrifying. So for a bit over a month I have had absolutely no internet access. I don't at know what's happening in the world at this moment. I have no clue. I only have my Walkman and my DVD copy of Frozen. Literally. I couldn't even find my iPod and it was terrible. Someone should tell me what's going on because I am more lost than a narcoleptic walrus at a gay bar.

      I'm honestly very melancholy right now. Summer was the time when I was going to spam the internet daily with my fantabulous fountain of cyber randomness but instead I know every word of every song in Frozen. Actually, that's not at all a waste of my time.

      And if you think that's a problem then you obviously need to let it go.

      See what I did there? (P.S. You should have mentally sang that. Go back and fix that if you didn't the first time you mewling quim.)

      But now the internet, that invisible temptress has slithered back into my life and beckons me to surrender to her seductive call. I must follow.

      A lack of sleep never bothered me anyway. (You should have sang that too you miserly caitiff.)


I really love you if you've come back to read this by the way,
Victory

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS

      IT'S SUMMER TIME AND GRASS AND TREES AND SHTUFF and hello sweeties! Tis that glorious, glorious time of year where I burn the textbooks and devote myself to SUMMER, that sultry seductress. Tis a season of magic and warmth and lethargy and aahhhhhh it's great. And best of all, I can catch up to the eight million shows I'd love to watch but never can, including:

      Walking Dead (I got to eppy 3 season 1 months ago woot woot)
      Game of Thrones (Because it's like my cup of tea disguised as a mug of coffee. It seems eh at first
      and  then you taste it and it's like DAAYYUUUUUM.)
      Big Bang Theory (All of it. It seems so nerdy. SO. NERDY.)
      Star Trek (Because I should at least get to know this staple of geekdom.)

     And then whatever else tickles my fancy shall be devoured at a rapid pace. Maybe. Just kidding.

     I have a buttload of summer reading and community service to do. I wont' have time to consume television BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh fate you cruel mistress..

     Kids, don't get drunk this summer and don't neglect your priorities.

Love and despair,
Victory

My life this past month in internet hodge-podge

So at first I was super snarky, but then I got sad when I realized that

   And then I realized that I was falling into the the whirlwind cycle of the

But before I realized that I panicked and was like..

And then I realized I was going to fail everything and spend the rest of my life in a cardboard box with seventy three feral cats, so I tried to cheer myself up like...

I just realized I went a month without posting anything holy S&%#

       Forgive me, Gods of The Internet and Blog Upholdment, for I have sinned greatly.

I have a really long story to tell you all,
Victory

I'm thinking of all the cute foresty outfits I want to share but am too lazy to get pictures of.

      The title pretty much explains it all folks. Sometimes, I come up with adorable things. ADORABLE! But then I don't post them. And then I sort of hate myself for a little bit.

      So I was looking through my closet today and realized how many Luna Lovegood-esque pieces of clothing I have. It made me happy. Gawsh, I love Luna. She's my favorite HP character ever. Mmm. Nargles. Lawlsaywut?

      Speaking of Luna, I love how everything she does or wears screams IDGAF. Like really. And I swear, I will share today's outfit because it's truly adorable and Luna-like. Mixing patterns is IN hermanitas. We all a little loco, and our fashion choices need to reflect that we don't give a frack, you feel me amigas? I also know you all read that in a complete "Mexican Stoner" accent. Don't lie. I know.


Love and wrackspurts,
Victory

MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN Or, Things you learn from being a good loser.

      My absence these past few days? SPEECH AND DEBATE STATE TOURNAMENT YEAAAAAAA but lemme tell you, nothing is more frustrating that missing semi-finals by one point. It's painful. But the experience taught me that not everything is under your control, so you should give your best effort at whatever you do,and somehow it all works out.

     So we stayed at this amazing hotel called The Element, and GUESS WHAT?! ITS SUPER ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND EVERYTHING IS RECYCLED AND AHHH!!!

     I ate far too much prepared food. I'm so happy to be home and eating green things again.

     So after looking through my closet and realizing I own nothing but nerdy t-shirts, I decided to self-impose a challenge upon myself. I removed all but three nerdy shirts, and I get only three a week. I was hoping this would push me to be more creative with my outfits!!!


More coming soon!
Victory

Oh my dear sweet innocent baby unicorns of purity *heavy breathing* And a mini pep talk!

      *wordlessly gasps trying to express utter joy and disbelief*

      I have no words.

      Favorite blogger? Looking at my blog? COMMENTING on my blog? BUT I AM BUT A MERE MORTAL!! *wordless gasping*

      I should be studying. I should be doing history. What am I doing? Blogging and reading old botany textbooks. It's fantastic. Nothing makes me quite as happy as an old, musty bookstore, long forgotten and full of hidden treasures. And then I end up spending every penny I own on forestry and science books. Food? Clothing? Nah...all I need is books and the financial support of my mother. Sad but true.

      Also, Liveluvcreate.com is fantastic. I love making all these artsy quote picture thingies. Like this.

      It's the pure truth. No one can stop you from dreaming, no one can stop you from chasing those dreams. It isn't up to fate to ink the pages in our story, but we ourselves can be both the hero and the scribe.

Never give up,
Victory

True joy is your favorite blogger resurrecting themself

      So my favorite blogger in the history of ever; I just re-found her. I was a dedicated follower for so long, and then she vanished. Her website, gone. I cried. I cried for all the wonderfulness that I had lost. But yesterday, for old times sake, I googled one of her web addresses just to browse through old posts and feel miserable, when suddenly I saw a new link on the "We've moved!" post. New link? Not the old deleted blog? I held my breath as I clicked it...and I was taken into the world I so dearly missed.

      OH HAPPY HAPPY DAY

       Oh Ariel. You foxy blogger you...don't ever change.


Love and fangirl blogger bliss,
Victory

P.S. I was thinking about changing up the design on this blog...yay? Nay?

My mother ate the last piece of french bread. Wat.

      I wanted that chunk of french bread. I wanted it. I wanted it with butter and nothing else. And I didn't get it. So I suppose it's a metaphor for life.

I hate math. I hate people. I hate people who won't do their part of the math project.

I want sleep.

But I want books more.

Gah.

Love and frustration,
Victory

A lesson in Nuclear Ettiquette and Nargles

      Once upon a time, I was a tiny little girl whom most would declare had more than a few wrackspurts bobbing around in her brain. She still does.

      So this little girl was very quiet and dreamy and loved to read on all sorts of subjects so when her mother randomly said "BOMB INCOMING" she knew exactly what to do.

      She dropped to the ground and rolled under a table, but no earth shattering sound penetrated the silent evening, but with dawning horror, she began to understand.

      She was with her mother. Dinner had just been served.

       A bomb was indeed coming.

Avoid the mistletoe,
Victory

Why I am panicking right now.

      I am panicking right now because...

1. I can't find my math binder.
2. I didn't bring my delicious book to read.
3. I have a strong suspicion that the only hair product I use has been discontinued and it's the one thing that works for me and I cannot find it anywhere.
4. I can't find my math binder.
5. I had some chemistry notes in said binder.
6. I have to redo all my homework in that binder.
7. I have Spanish class soon.
8. I hate Spanish.
9. No, I don't want Mexican food.
10. This hoodie is so soft.
11. I can't find my math binder.
12. I need to steal all my boyfriend's hoodies like right now.
13. I have a Star Wars shirt on.
14. The Force may or may not be with me at this time.
15. I can't find my math binder.
16. I need a Kit Kat.
17. I need a Kit Kat and a kitten and a cat.
18. I need my math binder with a Kit Kat and a kitten and a cat and a dragon.
19. I want a dragon.
20. I am not a dragon.
21. I must now become the dragon.

I can't find my math binder,
Victory

Stop what you're doing right now and read this book. I command it.

           

                                              

                        
                             Stop what you're doing right now and read this this book. THIS ONE.

       This book sucked me in and never let me go. Here's the synopsis (yes, that what the summary on the back of the book is called, aren't you glad I'm here to tell you interesting things like that?): 

Eighteen-year-old twins Adam and Amelia Dory learned the hard way to rely only on each other, growing up in a small town where they understood the meaning of coming from nothing. But everything changes when both are offered scholarships to Stanford University – and catapulted into the dazzling world of Silicon Valley, where anyone with a good enough idea can skyrocket to fame and fortune in the blink of an eye…

Amelia is almost as pretty as she is smart – almost. A shy girl and genius, she is happiest alone in the computer lab, but her brother has other plans for her talents: A new company that will be the next Silicon Valley hit, and will thrust Amelia into the spotlight whether she likes it or not. Where Amelia’s the brains, Adam’s the ambition – he sees the privileged lifestyle of the Silicon Valley kids and wants a piece of what they have. He especially wants a piece of Lisa Bristol, the stunning daughter of one of the Valley’s biggest tycoons.

As Adam and Amelia begin to hatch their new company, they find themselves going from nothing to the verge of everything seemingly overnight. But no amount of prestige can prepare them for the envy, backstabbing and cool calculation of their new powerful peers.

Welcome to Silicon Valley, where fortune, success – and betrayal – are only a breath away…

      Now, doesn't that sound delicious? I loved, loved, LOVED this book. I actually got so angry at the ending that I threw it against the wall and damaged it. And then I hated myself for damaging my pretty new book. But thankfully, there is a sequel, which I was unable to get because BARNES AND NOBLE DOESN'T FRACKING HAVE IT HE DAY I NEED IT. But really it's witty. It's nerdy. It's intelligent but still dramatic. And so, so addictive. Read it. DO IT.

Love and novel demolishing, 

Victory

Let's talk about......books. :D (Or, Victory wants a dragon like right now really bad please.)

       I could open this with an apology for my neglectfulness, or I can go straight into today's rant. The latter, I think. So. Books. Nummy. My Valentine's day was spent browsing a used bookstore and blowing all my cash on literary volumes that I have no room for. Seriously, I threw out my drawers to put in another bookshelf. And I found myself holding one of the greatest books I ever read, a novel I coveted as a child, a novel that I held close to my heart from the very moment I read it in fourth grade. Eragon. Since it had literally been over five years since I touched the thing, I bought it immediately along with Eldest, which was conveniently placed nearby. So I immersed myself and it was like reading each page for the first time, since so much slipped my mind in those past years. I am so happy I picked them up.

      I have another fantastic book I want to rant about, but I'll prolly leave that for Robot Victory to publish sometime when I'm being busy and neglecting y'all. So sorry about that by the way.

      Speaking of Eragon, I would love to have my own dragon. It would be so. Fracking. Cool. Ermahgerd. Just think about it, Victory the Dragon Rider with her majestic companion. Victory the Dragon Rider even sounds like a fracking cool name.

      You know what really grinds my gears? When I'm playing Pokemon Leaf Green for a long time without saving and I did a lot of things and then the battery on my Gameboy Advance dies in the middle of a battle and I just sob uncontrollably. It hurts.

      Speaking of Pokemon, I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as I hate Snorlax. I finally caught it after 32 Pokeballs (I shiz you not, I counted. 27 Pokeballs, 4 Greatballs and one Ultraball) and I was going to have a hemorrhage. Just when I thought I had it, the dumb frack would use Rest and I was going to kill something, and then the Pokeball shakes three times and I'm like "OMG YES" and then it opens and I am so. Fracking. Mad.

Love and snowboarding Snorlaxes (because Jaime Anderson is still awesome)
Victory the (Wannabe) Dragon Rider