Stop what you're doing right now and read this book. I command it.

           

                                              

                        
                             Stop what you're doing right now and read this this book. THIS ONE.

       This book sucked me in and never let me go. Here's the synopsis (yes, that what the summary on the back of the book is called, aren't you glad I'm here to tell you interesting things like that?): 

Eighteen-year-old twins Adam and Amelia Dory learned the hard way to rely only on each other, growing up in a small town where they understood the meaning of coming from nothing. But everything changes when both are offered scholarships to Stanford University – and catapulted into the dazzling world of Silicon Valley, where anyone with a good enough idea can skyrocket to fame and fortune in the blink of an eye…

Amelia is almost as pretty as she is smart – almost. A shy girl and genius, she is happiest alone in the computer lab, but her brother has other plans for her talents: A new company that will be the next Silicon Valley hit, and will thrust Amelia into the spotlight whether she likes it or not. Where Amelia’s the brains, Adam’s the ambition – he sees the privileged lifestyle of the Silicon Valley kids and wants a piece of what they have. He especially wants a piece of Lisa Bristol, the stunning daughter of one of the Valley’s biggest tycoons.

As Adam and Amelia begin to hatch their new company, they find themselves going from nothing to the verge of everything seemingly overnight. But no amount of prestige can prepare them for the envy, backstabbing and cool calculation of their new powerful peers.

Welcome to Silicon Valley, where fortune, success – and betrayal – are only a breath away…

      Now, doesn't that sound delicious? I loved, loved, LOVED this book. I actually got so angry at the ending that I threw it against the wall and damaged it. And then I hated myself for damaging my pretty new book. But thankfully, there is a sequel, which I was unable to get because BARNES AND NOBLE DOESN'T FRACKING HAVE IT HE DAY I NEED IT. But really it's witty. It's nerdy. It's intelligent but still dramatic. And so, so addictive. Read it. DO IT.

Love and novel demolishing, 

Victory

Let's talk about......books. :D (Or, Victory wants a dragon like right now really bad please.)

       I could open this with an apology for my neglectfulness, or I can go straight into today's rant. The latter, I think. So. Books. Nummy. My Valentine's day was spent browsing a used bookstore and blowing all my cash on literary volumes that I have no room for. Seriously, I threw out my drawers to put in another bookshelf. And I found myself holding one of the greatest books I ever read, a novel I coveted as a child, a novel that I held close to my heart from the very moment I read it in fourth grade. Eragon. Since it had literally been over five years since I touched the thing, I bought it immediately along with Eldest, which was conveniently placed nearby. So I immersed myself and it was like reading each page for the first time, since so much slipped my mind in those past years. I am so happy I picked them up.

      I have another fantastic book I want to rant about, but I'll prolly leave that for Robot Victory to publish sometime when I'm being busy and neglecting y'all. So sorry about that by the way.

      Speaking of Eragon, I would love to have my own dragon. It would be so. Fracking. Cool. Ermahgerd. Just think about it, Victory the Dragon Rider with her majestic companion. Victory the Dragon Rider even sounds like a fracking cool name.

      You know what really grinds my gears? When I'm playing Pokemon Leaf Green for a long time without saving and I did a lot of things and then the battery on my Gameboy Advance dies in the middle of a battle and I just sob uncontrollably. It hurts.

      Speaking of Pokemon, I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as I hate Snorlax. I finally caught it after 32 Pokeballs (I shiz you not, I counted. 27 Pokeballs, 4 Greatballs and one Ultraball) and I was going to have a hemorrhage. Just when I thought I had it, the dumb frack would use Rest and I was going to kill something, and then the Pokeball shakes three times and I'm like "OMG YES" and then it opens and I am so. Fracking. Mad.

Love and snowboarding Snorlaxes (because Jaime Anderson is still awesome)
Victory the (Wannabe) Dragon Rider

I AM SPEAKING FROM MY PAST AND IT IS SO MUCH AWESOMEZ

      ^^^^That. Since I'm truly very busy and feel terrible bout neglecting y'all, Robot Victory is taking my place and typing up these posts occasionally. Because YOLO. Ok, no. Never again will I say that. No. Just no.

      OMG POKEMON LEAF GREEN YESH SO MUCH YESH.

     I dislike how it's taken so long for there to be a main female trainer in Pokemon that's a blonde. And then X and Y came out. And all the nerdy blondes of the world rejoiced that they could finally cosplay without dyeing their hair black or wearing a life-stealing, soul-sucking, hotter-than-the-breath-of-Satan-himself wig. Because pain. It hurts.

     What if Robot Victory takes over the world? What if she escapes from my control and wreaks havoc upon humanity? WHAT IF

Love and wigs of doom,
Victory (and Robot Victory)

I AM VICTORIOUS

      I stand before you as the Hoenn region Champion. After much blood, sweat, and tears, I stood firmly before the Elite Four....and not only survived, but bested them. It was thanks to my amazing Blaziken and Groudon that I was able to claim this honor. Thanks guys. I'm happy that the time I put into y'all paid off in the end. Wow, I feel accomplished. I spent oodles of time playing a game simply for the satisfaction.

      Now I'm moving on to Black and White or Diamond, Pearl or Platinum. And wasting more of my life. Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

      I should also mention that this is officially the 69th post. I'm not sure if this is quite the occasion or if I should just shut up and just play more Pokemon.

Love and  Hoenn Championshipness,
Victory (Am I allowed to say Master Victory yet?)

GOTTA CATCH EM ALL! Or, the story of how I was given a second chance at a desirable childhood.

      I will be forever grateful to my amazing guy friend, whom I asked to give me a single Pokemon game for PC, and he instead gave them all to me. FOREVER GRATEFUL. And thus my journey began, in Littleroot Town, in Pokemon Ruby.

     It's day three, and I have two gym badges, a level 15 Shroomish and a level 21 Combusken to name a few. I feel mighty. Powerful. Unstoppable. At least until I remember I should be typing up Congress bills for Speech and Debate on monday. This is destroying my life in a wonderful way. I do not want to pause, to gravitate away from my ultimate destination. VICTORY. I WILL NEVER REST UNTIL I AM THE VERY BEST.

     I AM THROWING AWAY MY LIFE.

     I LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT.

     You see, I never got to play Pokemon as a child. My mom wanted me to do more productive things, proper things five year olds should do like reading presidential biographies and making lemon powered clocks. (Welcome to my childhood.) I remember sadly staring at everyone's Gameboys, holding my little stack of Pokemon cards and looking dejectedly at Rapidash, wishing it were on a screen kicking wild Pokemon butt. I wanted to be a trainer. I wanted to raise a Bulbasaur. I wanted to battle others and hike in tall grass. And now, at almost 16, I finally got the chance to live the life I've always dreamed of living. Despite my busy life, despite my long days and wakeful nights, my tired nature and constant crap to do somewhere, I began living the life I've dreamed of. I created my own destiny, I CHOSE the path to happiness. It may have taken me a while, but I have achieved it. I am victorious.

Never give up on your dreams,
Victory

Identity theft and deeply frozen cats.

      HAI there, hacker! No doubt you think I'm beautiful, classy, and fabulous (and I'm not about to contradict you) but you know, just because I'm beautiful, classy and fabulous (as you obviously perceive me) doesn't mean you can hijack my account and do whatever the frack you want with my name. How miserable and pathetic are you to stoop that low? What do you get out of it, oh most clever one? I have no money, fame, or baby Guatemalan rhinos for you to take possession of.  I'm simply me, and if being me is better than being you in your opinion, why don't you fracking straighten up your act and become the person you want to be? Take a long hard look and the mirror, figure out what your gosh-dang fracking issue is, and grow up. Holy frack, you are acting like a pathetic, immature child who can't stand their own reality, so they throw a temper tantrum about how they don't WANNA be them, they wanna be FRACKING BATMAN MOMMYYYYYYYY. Well, tough luck you ludicrous moron. This is real life, and you aren't Batman. (Or if you are Batman and are pursuing me because you think I'm a threat to national security, you should know I am in no way affiliated with the Joker or Kim Jong Un. I have my own streets to run, my own cartels to supervise, and my own gangsters to lord over. I don't have my sights set on Gotham... *whistles innocently*)You are some imbecile with an identity crisis, so instead of taking mine, make your fracking own.

     That is all. And biznatch, don't come back. You forced me to use my knowledge of string theory and advanced astrophysics to create an impenetrable fortress of characters. Walk away before I sic my mom's ex-boyfriends on you. All of them. They are all cops. Every single one. Let your cranium dwell on that a good long while.

      Anyhoo, I would like to take a moment to e-hug all the people who DON'T want to steal my identity and instead satisfy themselves with just my rambling online. You, my friend, are cooler than liquid nitrogen. (at -320 degrees Fahrenheit, that is one cool cat. One rock solid, deeply frozen, completely frost-bitten and unthawable cat.)

      I want chocolate pudding. One without chunks of frozen cat. But sometimes that's just too much to ask for...this is my fridge we are talking about.

Love and cat pudding (please don't ever do this, I will cry.)
Victory

     

A protest against lackadaisical printers.

       Of all the days my printer could recede its dependability and leave me vulnerable and homework-printy-less, it was today. When I have to print out my summer work. You bastard. You moronic, useless, capricious, unreliable, miserable, pathetic, idle, unproductive, inconsequential, wretched, despicable, foul technological abomination! You detestation! I loathe you to your very wired, plastic core! I absolutely DESPISE you and your inadequacy!

       I hope you are proud of yourself, inept printer. I hope you get your twisted satisfaction from my misery.

       One Direction Live on AGT not that great actually. I'm pretty disappointed. And you, blonde girl in the camera. Stop crying. You are acting like Jesus came down to Earth to give you a back to school present. Stop that nonsense right now. You look like a miserly caitiff. Stop. Just no. This is the part where Directioners start hating me and start boycotting my blog. I just want to be honest about the fact that none of you have a single vestige of a molecular chance. Not even on an atomic level. Sad but true. You should be thankful, you know. You now know not to waste your time on immature dingbats that cover themselves in Winnie the Pooh tattoos, a la Harry Styles (as rumor has it). Get yourself a man that can actually sing well live. Like that guy you've been friendzoning for about three years.

       Oh yes, I indeed just went there.

       WOAH WOAH WOAH Whodafrack said you could just park your derriere on my laptop cable, you beetle? Who invited you to deposit your sorry insect arse on my technological umbilical cord? WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT YOU DEPLORABLE VERMIN YOU ARE SCUM. JUST LEAVE.

       This is how low I've fallen. This weak halfway state of life is unbearable, this morose state of sorrow, this soul gap left by an ailing printer. Never take your printer for granted, my dear readers...they hold a piece of your heart that they will never return once they decide to leave you.

       Behbeh I'm sowwy......come back to me darling...

Love and moroseness,
Victory

Playing chess with a computer = RAGE QUIT

      I learned that playing chess with a computer is one of the most agonizing things known to mankind, because the computer WINS EVERY FRACKING TIME. IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME WIN JUST ONCE I ASK FOR SO LITTLE YOU FRACKTASTIC PIECE OF FNAPPLESNERKBAKOOFYGURDWAD!!

      I actually have no idea what I just said. But my mechanic seems to think it was cute, so I will shun him forever.

Get back to work Brandon, I need to murder this piece of technological scum.

Love and nook genocide,
    Victory

Let us take a moment to praise pancakes.

      Pancakes really are glorious. GLORIOUS! You can't go wrong with pancakes! You don't even understand how dramatic writing this makes me feel as I write to "I Am the Doctor" BBC soundtrack. It's just the most awesome sauce dramatic instrumental piece EVAR. I could write about anything to that song and feel like I'm retelling tales of epic battles and saving the whole of reality from genocidal aliens.

      I'm going to make River Song's diary and write in it and mix up all the entries, so it looked like I traveled through time and wrote shtuff down on different dates. Then, I will give it to my children and tell them epic tales about how mommy traveled in the Time Vortex and saved random squirrels from certain death. I'm going to have the nerdiest children ever, you know. If I have a daughter, she will be raised to idolize Padme Amidala, Alex Kingston and Katniss Everdeen instead of Kirsten Stewart and God knows what pathetic pop star. Screw Barbie, I'm getting my daughter a ray gun and blueprints for turning a refrigerator box into a T.A.R.D.I.S.  or Millennium Falcon.

      I just had a donut. It was glorious. Absolutely glorious. Nothing like a good donut. Or a bowtie. Bowties are cool.

Love and glorious soundtracks,
            Victory

Of life, death, bannanas, and Millennium Falcons.

      Darth Hashtag suggested the title today, so let us all give a hand to this obscurely named Sith Lord! *clapclapclap clap* And remember the wisdom of the Doctor; always bring a banana to a party. It's not a party without a random banana. So, I would love to brag a little. BEHOLD.

My retro handheld beauty!! Do you even know how cool it looks on my desk?!?! And today, I tried to classily arrange my new comics onto a display board and tack it up on my wall.

      Lol NOPE.

      The idea was admirable, the execution was not. As if I have enough space on my walls to tack up anything else. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

      Shut up Spotify. I couldn't give any less fracks about the Biore Scrub Shuffle Playlist.

      I saw Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber in the children's section at TJ Maxx today. I want it. WANT. And then my mother threatened to disown me, ground me, and take away my allowance if I bought it and "wasted my money on this scum." :'( No one understands our love. The dialogue progressed like this.

     "You aren't buying that junk."
     "BUT I NEED IT."
     "What is that crap?"
     "OMG it's not crap, it's ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S LIGHTSABER."
     "Victoria, why do you need a childre-"
     "BECAUSE YOLO."

     Life is not the same without wasting all savings on nerdiness.

My new lair has been FOUND!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

      The aliens have returned my laptop! Unfortunately, they also left a host of foreign viruses, and the Doctor either a.) never showed up, or b.) made a mad dash to another catastrophic event in time and didn't have time to remove the 125 infected objects lurking in my software. It's all good now, however my T.I.P.O.L.J. (Technologically Incompetent Piece Of Lovable Junk.) seems to be feeling a bit crummy. I think he's tired, since the internet is running a little slower. I want to make him the cyber version of chicken noodle soup, but I'm uncertain as to how you administer it.

      I just did about 72% of my summer essay in the past hour. I feel like a Dalek, all summer I was like "PROCRASTINATE!!" but now I realize how little time I have left to do it all, and I just mercilessly attacked To Kill a Mockingbird and the printed out guidelines lying beside it like "EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!!!" When it comes to schoolwork, procrastination is a parasite. Take that stack of paper and SLAY it. SHOW NO MERCY. EXTERMINATE!!

     I feel so inspired right now. ^.^ Dem pep talks.

     I just discovered the greatest place in the world yesterday. The GREATEST. The COMIC BOOK STORE, OUTER LIMITS!!! I walked in there for the first time and immediately started nerdgasming. Immediately. Boxes and boxes of comics, old and new, lined up and waiting for you to scavenge treasures from their depths, all for a single dollar. Catwoman from 2006? Dollar. Doctor Who, 2013? Dollar. X-men vs. Avengers, 1987? Dollar. And THEN, the second room over, ACTION FIGURES EVERYWHERE!! And, the biggest nerdgasm of all, STAR WARS ACTION FIGURES EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE. I bought a Millennium Falcon Challenge Handheld Video Game for ten measly dollars. It still works. That's right suckers. Working and from 1997 for ten bucks. It's addictive. That place is amazing. I want to go back, like NAO. I also got about 50 comics for $20. The guy even gave me a discount and a free Spiderwoman issue 1. Oh yes he did. And they will have a 50 cent sale on all the comics next week. Must. Go. YES.

Love and tidings from nerdvana,
                         Victory

An excess of Harry Potter. Wait, no, there is no such thing. My bad.

      Sometimes, life has a way of screwing everything up. Other times, life has a way of fixing everything that was screwed up and makes everything perfect. So remember, next time something crappy happens, it happened for a reason, and life always has something better up its sleeve for you. Sometimes we have to suffer a little before we can get our happy ending, but it's going to be worth it in the end.

      I HAVE MORE PUDDING YESSSSSSSS BEST DAY EVAR

       I ask for a moment of your time to admire this excellent display of nerdy vulgarity.

     

And here is one of my all-time favorite pictures EVAR

Love and Furnunculous Jinxes (Look it up, you caitiff, and you call yourself a true fan!)
                      Victory

Nerd Girl Rants: Curse you, Hot Topic, you capitalist swine!!

      I'm pretending like I didn't just blow $40 on Mortal Instruments, Doctor Who, and Star Wars stuff today. And I actually need to exchange the Deluxe Star Wars Button Pack because it wasn't until AFTER I bought it that I noticed the Yoda button was printed on wrong. Grr. Hot Topic, how can you do this to me? How can you effortlessly take all my money from me, even when I command myself not to spend so much? How do you do it Hot Topic? Are you manipulating my brain? Are you controlling my mind? When did I become so weak?! This must change. I swear, the next time we meet, I will not be so foolish. I will stare into the depths of your clothing racks and laugh at your pitiful attempts to seduce me. I swear, I will become strong enough to face you. I will.

     And then my facade will crumble once I see that adorable light-up sonic screwdriver key chain.
And it will crumble further when I see David Tennant's face on a t-shirt that I can plaster across my torso.
And it will implode in a nuclear blaze putting Chernobyl to shame when I see the box of nerdy pins.

Curse you Hot Topic. Do I look like I can afford all this? Money is hard to come by in this economy.

Slaying demons and repairing retro time machines doesn't pay as much as it sounds.

Issues with Society/Nerd Girl Rants: You can't show me all this amazingly cool, nerdy stuff and then tell me to pay $21.95 for my Sonic Screwdriver. No. Just no.

      I'm sorry for having been absent my dear, darling readers who put up with my insane rants. Life gets a little cray cray sometimes. Anyhoo, have you ever seen a pair of Katniss Everdeen Arena Shoe doppelgangers for $40 dollars that you just HAD to buy? I should save my money for something really important. I shouldn't be spending it on shoes (no matter how kick-arse they may be) or the 10th Doctor Official Sonic Screwdriver (dayuuuum, you cannot even begin to comprehend HOW FRACKING BADLY I WANT TO BUY THAT) or Pocky (but they're sooooo good!)

      Control yourself Victory. Control your urges to spend mindlessly.
     
      But...but...I thought this all out perfectly! BRAIN HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE WITH MY NERDY OBSESSIONS?!?!

       Shut up, frivolous irrational area of the brain.

       No, YOU shut up, rational area of the brain!!!

      NO YOU SHUT UP

      NO YOU SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME AND MY KATNISS BOOTS ALONE

      WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!?!

       LIVING IT TO THE MAX BIZNATCH!!!

      Whoa. As far as mental arguments go, this takes the cake. That escalated quickly. Speaking of escalators....never do the splits on the escalators. It's not worth it. I can't even touch my toes, so I'm safe from that potential catastrophe.

      You know what I want to do? I want to write "Argument" on a piece of paper and put it on a fast escalator. Then make a video, while saying "Well, that argument escalated quickly." *ba dum tss*

      Do you see that cat over there, the one that looks mentally retarded and is eating a moth while it stares, captivated by a spot on the wall next to your nekkid baby pictures? I sent it to devour your soul.

LAWLZ JK If it's there for your soul, I sure didn't send it.

Well, unless you're George Lucas. Then I sent it. And biznatch, you are going to pay dearly for Revenge of the Sith. Very dearly indeed.

     

     
     

Lightsabers and Bitter Tears (or, How George Lucas managed to completely destroy my life and emotional stability in the span of 2 hours.)

**WARNING- HUGE MAJOR DEATH STAR SIZED SPOILERS**

Really, if you haven't seen Revenge of the Sith, please leave. I'll post something about rubber duckies for you later.

Still here? Fine, you asked for it.

DUDE. I can't believe Jar Jar Binks ended up being a stripper for the Empire!!
Still here? I must admire your perseverance, young padawan. from this point on, blame's on you. I warned you.

Really dude.

Just go while you can.


      Revenge of the Sith made me hate life. The happy, carefree, innocent child I was before? Gone. It died right next to Padme in the delivery room. It slowly died throughout the movie before manifesting as a single tear when Anakin drew his lightsaber in the temple to kill the younglings. My heart trembled like a broken bird when Master Windu died, it twisted with grief when Anakin pledged himself to Palpatine and broke into a million pieces when Padme confronted Anakin.  I now understand why Star Wars nerds are so close. We all survived something traumatic and awful together. We still stand here, and that makes our bond stronger than brotherhood.

I'm so sad. I wish my boyfriend was here, he understands the pain I'm going through.

Oh wait, I don't have one.

I hate life.

I don't know what to do with my life anymore...I finished all the movies. I guess the only thing I can do is...........WATCH THEM ALL AGAIN!!! :D LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!! YES!!!

Issues with Society Rant 2/Nerd Girl Rant: WHATDAFRACK YOU MEAN LUKE SKYWALKER OFFICIAL REPLICA LIGHTSABER IS $129?!?! AND WHATDAFRACKITYFRACK YOU MEAN I HAVE 27 MORE STAR WARS SAGA LEGENDS 2010 ACTION FIGURES TO COLLECT THAT COST WAAAY MORE THAN THE $3 I PAID FOR HAN SOLO ON HOTH SL-22 AT TJ-MAXX?!?!?!

The title pretty much says it all ya'll. I saw the little figurine for three bucks at TJ-Maxx and was like MUST HAVE!!! So, after doing some reasearch, there are 28 figurines in the 2010 wave of Saga Legends and I now, obviously, must attain them all. Only that each one is around $20. And I'm broke. Damn this new addiction, I keep blowing all my on money on merchendise. I think I spend more money on my nerdy addictions than a meth addict spends on his stash. Not that I would know exactly how must THAT costs... *whistles innocently*

      I'm kidding guys. Never did drugs, althoughmany, MANY suspect I have. GUYS, you don't need drugs to be happy with life. So don't do drugs. Especially if you don't want to mutilate all your brain cells untill you have the IQ of a potato. And if you buy drugs, you don't have enough money, you can't buy really important things like Star Wars merch and Doctor Who merch and Hunger Games merch and BOOKS!!!

      If you have any money left over from that, you can buy less important things, like food and housing and meaningless shtuff. Honestly....even if you DO end up homeless because of your spending habits, you still have the official Doctor Who 11th Doctor Sonic Screwdriver and official Luke Skywalker Prop Replica Lightsaber. Hobo with a  mothafrackin' LIGHTSABER?! You will officially be the coolest hobo to ever grace the planet's surface. Get your lightsaber and stand on the corner and create a story about how a Sith Lord murdered your family and you went to the Dagobah system in order to learn the ways of the Force so you could find the Sith Lord and avenge all those innocent souls. Then your hijacked Imperial Starship suffered damage while being mistakenly attacked by rebel forces, and you crashed through Earth's atmosphere, where you didn't have the necessary materials to repair the damge. Earth doesn't have the raw elements needed to support such advanced technology. You had nothing but the smoldering ruins of your ship, your lightsaber and your knowledge of the Force and the universe beyond. No one accepted your intergalactic currency, no one believed your story, and no one could help you, so you stand on the corner hoping to get enough for a meal and, at night, you stare at the stars and wish for a way home.

   I just made myself tear up. I just massacred my own feels. Who does that? Gah...but you would definitely be the coolest. Hobo. EVAR.