Of all the days my printer could recede its dependability and leave me vulnerable and homework-printy-less, it was today. When I have to print out my summer work. You bastard. You moronic, useless, capricious, unreliable, miserable, pathetic, idle, unproductive, inconsequential, wretched, despicable, foul technological abomination! You detestation! I loathe you to your very wired, plastic core! I absolutely DESPISE you and your inadequacy!
I hope you are proud of yourself, inept printer. I hope you get your twisted satisfaction from my misery.
One Direction Live on AGT not that great actually. I'm pretty disappointed. And you, blonde girl in the camera. Stop crying. You are acting like Jesus came down to Earth to give you a back to school present. Stop that nonsense right now. You look like a miserly caitiff. Stop. Just no. This is the part where Directioners start hating me and start boycotting my blog. I just want to be honest about the fact that none of you have a single vestige of a molecular chance. Not even on an atomic level. Sad but true. You should be thankful, you know. You now know not to waste your time on immature dingbats that cover themselves in Winnie the Pooh tattoos, a la Harry Styles (as rumor has it). Get yourself a man that can actually sing well live. Like that guy you've been friendzoning for about three years.
Oh yes, I indeed just went there.
WOAH WOAH WOAH Whodafrack said you could just park your derriere on my laptop cable, you beetle? Who invited you to deposit your sorry insect arse on my technological umbilical cord? WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT YOU DEPLORABLE VERMIN YOU ARE SCUM. JUST LEAVE.
This is how low I've fallen. This weak halfway state of life is unbearable, this morose state of sorrow, this soul gap left by an ailing printer. Never take your printer for granted, my dear readers...they hold a piece of your heart that they will never return once they decide to leave you.
Behbeh I'm sowwy......come back to me darling...
Love and moroseness,
Victory
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