Identity theft and deeply frozen cats.

      HAI there, hacker! No doubt you think I'm beautiful, classy, and fabulous (and I'm not about to contradict you) but you know, just because I'm beautiful, classy and fabulous (as you obviously perceive me) doesn't mean you can hijack my account and do whatever the frack you want with my name. How miserable and pathetic are you to stoop that low? What do you get out of it, oh most clever one? I have no money, fame, or baby Guatemalan rhinos for you to take possession of.  I'm simply me, and if being me is better than being you in your opinion, why don't you fracking straighten up your act and become the person you want to be? Take a long hard look and the mirror, figure out what your gosh-dang fracking issue is, and grow up. Holy frack, you are acting like a pathetic, immature child who can't stand their own reality, so they throw a temper tantrum about how they don't WANNA be them, they wanna be FRACKING BATMAN MOMMYYYYYYYY. Well, tough luck you ludicrous moron. This is real life, and you aren't Batman. (Or if you are Batman and are pursuing me because you think I'm a threat to national security, you should know I am in no way affiliated with the Joker or Kim Jong Un. I have my own streets to run, my own cartels to supervise, and my own gangsters to lord over. I don't have my sights set on Gotham... *whistles innocently*)You are some imbecile with an identity crisis, so instead of taking mine, make your fracking own.

     That is all. And biznatch, don't come back. You forced me to use my knowledge of string theory and advanced astrophysics to create an impenetrable fortress of characters. Walk away before I sic my mom's ex-boyfriends on you. All of them. They are all cops. Every single one. Let your cranium dwell on that a good long while.

      Anyhoo, I would like to take a moment to e-hug all the people who DON'T want to steal my identity and instead satisfy themselves with just my rambling online. You, my friend, are cooler than liquid nitrogen. (at -320 degrees Fahrenheit, that is one cool cat. One rock solid, deeply frozen, completely frost-bitten and unthawable cat.)

      I want chocolate pudding. One without chunks of frozen cat. But sometimes that's just too much to ask for...this is my fridge we are talking about.

Love and cat pudding (please don't ever do this, I will cry.)
Victory