I...can't...sneeze..please..just let the torture end..please...PLEASE STAHP

I am breathing like Darth Vader right now. Honestly. I want to sneeze so badly, and for reason, that stupid little sneeze will not squeeze its way out of my nasal cavity..seriously? Please...just let this madness end..this torture...this MISERY PLEASE MAKE IT STAHP. STAHP. So, I blew off the remaining 18% of my remaining Literature homework. So what, it's Tuesday. The ultimate party day. Woo. Ain't nothing more party than a Tuesday!! Today is the day praised in countless drinking songs, fondly recalled by drunk college kids, and forever know as the day I finally beat level 64 in Angry Birds. Easily my proudest moment. That's right Friday, I'm stealing all your stereotypical thunder and giving it to Tuesday. And you can't do anything about it!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! So..I got my friend a butt-load of gluten-free oreos. It's the price I pay to get my Mayday Parade shirt :D God, I love that band so much...Imma marry Alex Garcia, I swear. Age is just a number baby! So, I hope you have a fabulous day! Since it is Party Thunder Tuesday. Actually, no....it was Who-sday Tuesday, and it has been for months, and so it shall be for many, many more. Today is the day geeks rejoice, and proudly don their bowties and sonic screwdrivers. 'Tis a monumental day indeed. No, never mind...I shall marry Matt Smith instead. Age really is just a number in this case. Really. And before you say "Jail is just a room," I must insist, only if the cops catch you. And don't accept your bribe. But c'mon, they will. You know why? Because this is 'MURICA!